Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
