yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
