She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
