this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
