help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
