I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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