we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sarcasm needs its own font
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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