My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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