the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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