i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
