Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
