there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
