You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
