I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
