your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
