Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
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oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement