I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you had me at cake vodka
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...