So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
