I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes