James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night