I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
