Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
