remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
