DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
