I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
