I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
