Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
