The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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