I want to stick my p in your. b.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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