dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize