i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
