She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
