Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
