Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i've created a new STD.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
