If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
