i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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