dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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