Tell her she can't have a vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
