Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
