I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Michael Bay diarrhea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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