Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
