the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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