Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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