it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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