He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
