I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand