4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch