she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?