She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity