I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
