At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she pinky promised me she was 18
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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