I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
