Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
