The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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