I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
