just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
