we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
