dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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