I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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