That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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