Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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