i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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