You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
