Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
