Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
