This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
