Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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