glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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