Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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