i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
