also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
