the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
