Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
