I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
