When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
