I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
