Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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