Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
