DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
