I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
